


Booty Noise

by WrathoftheStag (Mwuahna)



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: I WROTE FART FLUFF, I have no shame, M/M, Sorry Not Sorry, bitty farts, bitty wants to die, jack thinks its hilarious and cute, relationships, yes - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-07-29
Packaged: 2018-12-08 15:12:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11649189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mwuahna/pseuds/WrathoftheStag
Summary: Inspired by a Tumblr post, which appealed greatly to the adolescent boy that resides in my heart.  Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve written Zimbits fart fluff. Sorry, not sorry.





	Booty Noise

“And then, and then,” Jack said laughing so hard, he could barely breathe, “Tater said, ‘I guess so!’”

Bitty squealed with delight, the two in bed cackling over Jack’s silly, silly anecdote – when it happened.

A quick and tiny fart, like a shot in the dark by the world’s smallest gun.

Bitty’s laughter died instantly.

Jack’s eyes grew wide, and he sat up in the bed, “Was that? Did you?” He could barely speak and then he _really_ began to laugh.

“Oh my godddd!” Bitty cried as he covered his face with the sheets.

“Bud, I don’t know if it’s any better down there!” Jack said wheezing.

“Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!” Bitty yelled from under the blankets, as Jack’s body shook.

Jack wiped his eyes, and then said, “It’s okay, Bittle. Come on, it’s all right. Is Señor Bun down there with you? Does he need CPR?”

Bitty sat up, face red with mortification, “I want to die.”

Jack cleared his throat trying to compose himself. “It’s fine. It doesn’t stink, Bittle. I promise.”

Bitty rolled over and said, “I’m going to sleep.”

“Bitty? Bits?”

No response.

“Dicky?”

Still nothing.

“Okay, fine. Go to sleep, Bittle. But it’s not a big deal, I promise you.”

Bitty didn’t respond and immediately feigned sleep. He’d never talk about it, acknowledge it, and that would be that. He was a Southern gentleman, for crying out loud. And gentlemen did not make booty noises in front of their significant others.

**+**

Bitty didn’t stir and kept his eyes closed when Jack woke up for his morning run. The second Bitty heard the front door close, he sat up, grabbed his phone and began to dial.

“You better be on death’s door,” Lardo said groggily as she answered.

“Well, I want to die – so does that count?’

“What happened?” she asked with a large yawn.

“I’m so embarrassed.”

“Ooo, now I’m awake. Deets!”

“I… I farted in front of Jack.”

“Seriously, Bitty. That’s the big to do?”

“Larissa Duan, it _is_ a big to do,” Bitty yelled into the phone.

“Not even. Unless it was a big doo-doo, I’m not impressed.”

“What do I do now?” Bitty said gnawing on his bottom lip, “I can’t undo a booty noise!”

She snorted. “Booty noise?! Holy shit, Bitty! What are you, five? That is the funniest thing I’ve heard all week!”

“It’s not funny! And that’s what my mama called them when I was kid, so it just stuck I guess. Anyway, the point is, the illusion is shattered. Jack knows I fart!”

Lardo groaned. “Yeah, and I’m sure he also knows you make poo-poo and pee-pee, too.”

“Don’t make fun of me! I need your help and support!”

Lardo sighed and asked gently, “Well, what do you want me to do?”

“Have you ever done that in front of Shitty?”

“Pssh! Dude, we have contests over who can be the loudest and smelliest.”

“What?!”

“And I’ll have you know that I beat him all the time.”

“Okay, maybe you’re not the right person to talk to,” Bitty as he scrubbed his hand over his face.

Lardo laughed and said, “Dude, Jack looks at you like you invented Gatorade. I guarantee you, he found it adorable.”

“Lord…”

“Look, this is your body and this kind of junk happens in relationships – so I hear. You two lived together in a frat house for crying out loud, I’m surprised this didn’t happen sooner. Remember all the stink bombs Holster would launch without shame? And we all still love him. So don’t sweat it, and if you’re that tied up in knots over it just don’t bring it up. I’m sure he won’t either.”

Bitty sighed, and felt the tension ease out of his shoulders. 

“You’re right. He’s a grown up, it’ll be fine.”

“All right, crisis averted. I’m going back to sleep. If you have any more _fartxistential_ crises, call Shits.”

“Thanks, lady,” Bitty said smiling.

“Mmm-hmm. Morning and good night,” she said, then hung up.

Bitty exhaled and looked around the room, then settled his gaze on the picture on the nightstand of the two of them. Bitty sat in Jack’s lap, their faces pressed against each other, and Bitty laughed with his eyes closed.

“Deny till I die. Got it. Perfect,” he said and remained in bed until Jack returned. So upon hearing the door open, he did what any average adult would do. He closed his eyes and, once again, appeared to be sound asleep.

Jack entered the bedroom and Bitty could feel him standing at the foot of the bed. He heard Jack sigh, then enter the bathroom and turn on the shower.

Bitty didn’t move, and ten minutes later Jack slipped into the bed and spooned Bitty.

“I can tell when you’re awake, Bits,” Jack whispered into his ear.

“No, I’m totally sleeping.”

“Are you going to talk about it?”

“No. Never.”

Jack pressed a kiss onto Bitty’s temple and said, “You’re being ridiculous, you know. It’s just a bodily function.”

Bitty sighed and rolled over to look at Jack.

“No, it’s not! The illusion is shattered. Now I’m just some gross bro, you happen to kiss.”

“And sleep with,” Jack said with a grin.

Bitty furrowed his brow, “Not funny.”

“You’re right. It’s not funny. It’s not funny that you’re so uncomfortable around me, you can’t even do that. You can’t be yourself.”

Bitty looked at Jack and frowned, “Is that what you think?”

“Well, what am I supposed to think, Bits?” Jack swept Bitty’s hair off his forehead. “You don’t feel comfortable around me? Or you think I’m so superficial, something like that is going to turn me off? 

“No, that’s not it at all. I just don’t… oh, I don’t know,” Bitty sighed and blushed.

“Bits, I love you. All of you. Even the smelly bits.”

Bitty smiled.

“What’s gonna happen when we get married? You’re never going to take a dump in our home? You’re going to be bloated the rest of your life?”

“Married?” Bitty said softly.

Jack beamed, “Well, yeah. You’re my Bits, and I love you.”

Bitty smiled and then frowned, “Oh please don’t let our first conversation about marriage revolve around a booty noise!”

“Booty noise? Bittle, you should be embarrassed about calling them that!” Jack said laughing.

Bitty draped his arm over his eyes and forehead, and smiled.

“And if it makes you feel any better…”

Bitty then heard a loud toot, he uncovered his eyes and looked at Jack who smirked and wagged his eyebrows.

“Jack! Did you just –” Bitty said with a laugh and then the smell hit him, as Jack began to laugh again.

“Lord, Jack!” Bitty said as he sat up, fanning the space around them. “Jack Laurent Zimmermann! What did you eat?! That’s just _mean_!”

Jack leaned in and kissed Bitty on the cheek, “Aw, you love me no matter what!”

Bitty laughed, wrinkling his nose, “Bless your heart! Are you trying to test that love?”

The two curled into bed, dissolving into a fit of laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this Tumblr post](http://incorrectcheckpleasequotes.tumblr.com/post/163569550390/bitty-i-have-never-farted-in-front-of-him-nor).
> 
> Come say toot-toot over [on Tumblr](http://wrathofthestag.tumblr.com/).
> 
> All characters by Ngozi. <3


End file.
